Trial of Faith

I feel so confused

All my life I have tried

To be your companion

And stay by your side

There are times that I trust you

And times that I fear

Times I can't find you

And times you are near.

I have some faith

Yet, I have some doubt

I wish I wasn't confused

Wish I could figure this out

Father, help me have faith

Help me know what to do

Help me so one day,

I may return back to you.

Surrender

Rising smoke

Blazing through the night

Anguished screams

Ringing in my ears

The field is lined

With those who already lost

Bleeding and sore

Bombarded with pain

I stumble

A sword on the right

White flag on the left

The farther I fall

The higher it rises

Who will win

Who will lose

Only time will tell

Questions

What do you do when your world's falling apart

Tumbling around 'til you don't know how to find your way out?

What do you do when you feel so alone that a room full of friends doesn't help?

If life's a river then I'm drowning.

If it's a rose I'm bleeding from the thorns

If life's a journey them I'm lost

If it's a tree I'm the dead branch.

Where do you go when your so full of fear even home isn't safe?

Where do you go when all you can think about is getting to a different place?

Noise

Noise, noise, noise, that’s what fills my head right now.

I can’t let it out; I can’t allow the noise to stop.

Other thoughts keep knocking at the door trying to gain access to my focus.

I must not let them in.

The noise keeps them out.

I focus on the beat pounding from the radio speakers,

The words that transport me to another reality,

The timer ticking away next to my daily task list.

My mind grows weary the constant noise is too much.

I sit down and close my eyes.

The noise relaxes;

My thoughts slow down and begin to drift…NO!

I can’t think that; I have to fight it; I have to keep pushing on.

Turn on the music, make it full blast.

Read a good book, make the noise last!